I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
