Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize