I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
