I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
