Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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