dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
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