he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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