nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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