My hair reeks of homosexuality.
It's Friday. Sex?
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
