I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
