My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Drunk is not a location!
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
