Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
did you just send me my own nude
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
