brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
The maid of honor just puked.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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