I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
