Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
