That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
