im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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