i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
