I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Randomize
