about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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