Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
