i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize