You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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