I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
