Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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