i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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