I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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