Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
This is my life. Enjoy the view
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Randomize
