we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
