She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
