"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
