I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
