Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize