Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
