Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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