Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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