He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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