You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
