My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
