this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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