well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I need to align my fucking chakras
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
