No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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