Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Just high enough for therapy.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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