I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
