So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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