I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
