I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
