week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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