How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
