I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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