All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
