WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
