My sheets look like a crime scene.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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