So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize