if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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