Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
