who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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