do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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