shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
