Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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