I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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