But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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