I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
