I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize