you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
