What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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