I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
My boob is missing a layer of skin
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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