yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
