you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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