the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
